I scribed three simple words
five forgotten weeks ago.
They stain the wooden desk,
and pain me just the same.
Don’t look at me too long,
it’s too hard now, though.
we cry so many times,
we lie just the same.
I deserve this ink blot
where I barked on my soul.
The book is open to nothing,
and look, there’s where I belong.
A piece of broken glass
from my picture frame
punctures my finger.
The blood lowers itself,
drips on to a dirty floor,
where it spreads uneven.
I suck on the finger for a long
time. I look at the blank,
before I throw it in the garbage.
I appraise perfection —
It’s not that lost of a task—
No one ever does ask—
And they all listen dear.
I see selfish miracles:
Lurid nuns ;the corrupted charities:
I see the evil in all heavenly
Matrimonies.
I greet the welcoming party.
I introduce everyone at times—
Oh,
I dance the glass of wine.
He learned to see—
A very shameful act—
He deems so on and slacked—
I balance red with borrowed nerves.
Anonymous asked: Why do you tag your work TWCP?
I am kind of an idiot. But I stopped as of a couple days ago.
Mismatched damages roughed to thrive
Without the timed echoes to survive.
Rushed futures for better risks .
Why can’t I understand people
And their constant ill-proposed whisks.
No clashes in the emotional state
When you really just start to hate
The way you see each other like
There’s no hope of a returned spike.
You could find all the love there is
And still be left alone together
Because if it is anyhow like it was
You will just rip the tether.
Tripped apart towards frivolous infinity
Every inane fantasy aspires greatly.
Fallen higher, reversed intentions
Destine cessation concludes previous
Voids.
Oblivious transgression unresented,
Contained perpetually with poverty
Stricken emotions and dependence,
Expectations demolished now.
Better in every aspect than “The Hunger Games”
(via cascadeoftoast)
His car tries to revive with a scream filled cry but it putters out and is hopelessly dead. He’s messed with the engine for what seems like weeks now and forces parts to work together that have no desire to and it shows. The worst thing for him is the body is still perfectly crafted. Every detail of the bright golden car is still pristine as the day it formed. He doesn’t even take decent care but you would have no idea from her smooth curves and slick sheen. Though even as beautiful as Able’s car is, he just curses its insides until he’s crying.
I lay ugly inside. Stiff and placid and listening to the curses Able throws out at his car. Clanking at the insides with tools that aren’t helping him. He wasn’t prepared for the engine to stop working. He has a pair of vice grips and a set of sockets without the wrench. They all have no worth in fixing his car and Able’s so frustrated the tosses the toolbox in to the grass, losing all the sockets.
On the opposing couch from me a moist smack echoes in my ears. Liam backs away with uneasy satisfaction from Cat. Cat has a dazed look and blows at her blonde hair. She adjusts her bust so that it sticks out more. She looks at Liam with longing but Liam lies with upset eyes. He messes with his hands, crack a knuckle and looks down at his feet. One of his toes has an infection on it. He frowns and positions himself back next to Cat. She rejects him and leans forward to adjust her bust again around him. She sighs dissatisfied.
“What do you think is wrong with the car” I yell outside though I get no response from Able.
“It’s probably just too old” Liam says. “What model is it? 95’? I mean, eventually you’re gonna run something that fragile in to the ground. Did he take care of it any?”
“Best he could probably”
“Well, it’s fucking trashy always. It’s got bits wrappers and random shit in there. No wonder it’s dying. He left it to rot.” Liam grins faintly and plays with Cat’s hair. She smacks his hand away.
“Are you going to buy me my extensions soon?” Cat asks “The ones I have now are already fading and they’re not looking good anymore. And I would just love you if you got me the really long ones. Like I love the idea of having this really long hair that reaches down to my ass and just makes me so pretty.”
“When I get my aide I will. School just started and I don’t know if I’ll have enough after I pay for my classes. Besides, my aide doesn’t come in until the 27th. You have to wait until then. “
“Okay” Cat says upset with this cute frown that fits her face. “When are you getting the toe nail removed? It’s hideous looking” The nail has turned yellow and puffed the skin red. “I can’t really do anything to it. The doctor said that if I fuck with it too much it might spread the infection a little.”
“Did you try removing it?” I say, not really curious but bored.
“Yeah but the damned thing hurt too much. I felt like I was removing the toe altogether!”
Able’s cursing roars through the house and shatters the air in to pieces. It rips the curtains down and blows the sheets apart. Cat shivers and covers herself while Liam walks out.
“Able dude calm down it’s not that bad.”
I stare at Cat as she lies down all the way across the couch, spreading herself so Liam has no room. She feels he heat from my stare and whispers “Lilly, you know that I love you right?”
“Yeah”
“I just feel like you don’t know at all. You’re always frowning and you never talk to me anymore. It’s like we aren’t even friends anymore. You’re a little harsh to me. Why?”
“I don’t mean to be. You know I love you. I just get those moods about me, you know
“That’s so great to hear! Yeah I know. I am always those. I feel like no one loves me and I am going to be alone forever. I feel like I should just die but if Liam heard me talking like that, he’d explode! Oh, I heard the best thing. You know William? He and Rachel fucked remember? Well today we were walking down the hall together and Rachel saw and she went up to William and just punched him right in the face. I was standing right there and didn’t know what to do. And she started crying and I hugged her and walked her down to the office. And while she was there she just kept crying and talking about how she hated him so much and how she hated me and how she hated everyone. And after all this we hugged but that made her cry even more. And she kept talking about how she had loved him ever since four years ago and it was such a big scene. I feel like it made us closer! Well that made me feel so sad today! It ruined my entire day. But knowing that me and Rachel are close together, it made it all worth it, you know?”
“Yeah I guess it did then. Did you tell Liam?”
“No, why would I? Like he needs to know!” I just grunt and we sit softly for a little before Able yelling more. Liam walks in and says “You should probably go out there” and I rush out.
A broken Rose, it withers last of breath,
So known of all her beauty, the weight abound,
Too much for anything, and fast, she drowned;
Relief: a final gift in such a death.
Her owner comes to see,
After many nights in lies,
Messy beauty in her eyes,
With a mirror — permanently—
Attached to her callused side.
She leads to the bath,
Leaves after an exchange,
There is no change,
And only stale wrath.
So the owner lean over
Plucks the petals off,
Flushes them in to the trash
And the wrinkles scoff.
I walk to mountain’s top to see a patch
of lilies. Falling down the sweet aroma,
above the sky, and playing down the thatch,
until I land aghast in lucid coma.
The pulling golden glows erupts a burn;
I swim in flamed remains of stolen plots.
The lustful lips of pulsing flora turn,
and soon, I leap to flow about the spots.
The stones are speaking pasted lives and lies,
And picking lovely notes to tell my love
With all the purposed ill intent that dies;
Of use at last, the wistful silent dove.
Close the door, stop the noise;
Shapes in crimson, so flies.
Write off a closed start-up,
So suddenly noise cries
A welp, wounded, felt gone,
In its rimmed, fevered, eyes:
‘O’ spare the fear, and voice,
I shall relieve your lies.’
And off the mind, it’s gone,
To hurt another’s highs.
I would Rather Give my children no interaction where
They grow grow to
Loathe me and to despise
Me and regret
Me for
All the
Nothing I
Did than
For them
To grow up and
Me realize
That they’re
As sad
As I
Am right
now
I scored a B on an exam for my College Chemistry Laboratory Exam. I was foolishly proud, engendered to expel, so I told my father. He was outside, speaking with my mother, who washed her vehicle in circles as my father glances over to me. He looks at me in slurs, sullen and spotty, and examines my pajamas with repulsive glares. I wore no shoes, wore no pride and yet expected him to be embellished with this achievement. It’s wasn’t abnormal. Wasn’t something I should probably be proud of, but I figured that maybe he’d give me some encouragement and maybe he would excited I wasn’t failing as my fallen brothers had. A half-cracked smile is something anyone would be repelled to receive but I would gracefully accept it. But “Why did you tell me that” in a grimace is all I received.
“Well, I figured you’d want to know” though maybe I didn’t. I could’ve told you hours before when I received the news myself that he wouldn’t spark at all.
“That’s nice; but what’s wrong with that picture?”
“It’s not an A, but…” I trail off.
“So are you proud of yourself? There’s not much you should be proud of. A B? A B is nothing to be proud of. You should always have an A. You’re in some rinky-dink community college, where they supposed to prepare you for the big-time schools, but over the years, they stopped doing that and are at a significantly lesser level. That’s why I resigned in the first place. On a scale of 10, your college is a 3. A 3. Any other school is a 9 or 10, but you’re proud of a B in a 3 school? If you were to get that same grade, butting the same amount of effort in to a big time school, you wouldn’t even have a D. You would fail. You would be a failure. Every course you are taking right now is only a failure of a course. You are not ready for anything, and if you keep the amount of effort you have now, you will be a failure for the rest of your life. Everybody needs a burger flipper. “
He spoke very calm, recited the speech with details that have been practiced many times. He polished every tonal difference with just enough audacity to pierce me. He languished and rose as to but emphasis on my shame.
“Well, I just wanted you to know” and I stroke back to the door, feet freezing and frigidly feverish. The scathe the pavement softly, coarse and callus, throbbing and pulsing vigorously with each step until they simulate a swollen blankness and feel like I am carrying cast iron shoes.
There’s nothing wrong with my dad, I just haven’t learned enough. I probably should’ve studied more. I really didn’t try hard enough. I go to my girlfriends to frequently; it’ll trash any future I have. I guess I just have never tried hard enough.
Sinking back to my room, I flip the switch for the light, but it’s blown. I throw on to the bed, curdle and bake in fanned heat, where I drain in to the mattress.
Snaking back and forth between seconds, my mother comes in and looks down on me. She sighs loud enough, I look at her, and she’s teary eyed.
“Don’t worry about your dad. He’s been drinking some, and when he’s drinking, he gets so mouthy. He was sitting there complaining about everything in his mind and anything, so you just picked the wrong time to tell him. Anything he said was just him being mouthy, so don’t worry.”
“okay” I say.
And then she leaves.
After another span, my father walks in, with a sympathetic look.
“Why did you ask me that?”
“I figured you would want to know”
“Did you really think that was something to be proud of? You’re so intelligent; you should be making straight 100’s at that crappy little community college. Maybe this would have been acceptable for your brothers, but not you. You know, when I was in school, they tested me in an intelligence exam in high school. And I got over a 200 on it. But then they got angry at me and made me retake it, o I ended up failing it on purpose.”
“Why would they get angry at you?”
“So even if you have a percentage of my intelligence, you should be able to do anything at that college. Do you know why I can do so many things?”
“Because you remember them?”
“No, because I just know how to do them.”
“Oh, okay”
“I know you’re not trying. I know you’re not trying as hard as you can because you have a percentage or even more so intelligence than I have. You could get out of this shitty little town and you could get out of the shitty little community college and you could make something of your life and yourself if you would actually try. All you’re doing is stopping yourself from becoming what you could be. You distract yourself with all the little stupid things you enjoy. You go over to your girlfriends so frequently and you’re not trying hard at all. Do you understand?”
“Yeah”
He looks at me for a couple of seconds, staring at me with wrinkled anger and frivolous determination, until he’s older now than he’s ever been. His body is a stern fragility, once made of iron and now of glass, once of nothing but hardness, and still longs for the feeling. His hand are covered in red paint dust from working on his favorite red Chevy, hand built from scrap parts, perfected from the same spare parts, worked over until there’s a brand new flaming masterpiece that came from his passion and sweat. A couple years ago, after stirring in his paint booth for years and never being touched, he finally released his prodigy from its reigns and rode it all the way to town to show to the bucking sensations. On the way back, it broke down and stole away again, losing any passion it had. From then he’s worked on it every weekend in a wasted daze.
“Hey. Do you Understand?”
My mother can be seen from the back. She’s looking at me from the back, still solemn, still depressed, how she always looks at me.
“Yeah”
And he slams the door.
And can you feel the stunning grass?
So coarse and fine, so kind and crass,
I cloud the ruffles thick of film
Afoot the last remaining whim.
About the days of sudden rays
And states of mind are all that stays;
Atop the stars is coming real,
And now the grass has lost its feel.
